Frozen January

This January feels stalled. I am not accomplishing what I thought I would, partially because of where my family focus has been.

I had a laundry list of things I wanted to work on since December 15, but am finding that January is breezing by.

So when I returned from Houston I decided to let January be, and am making peace with not having much to show for it.

The deep freeze left its mark, and I enjoyed the ice sculptures of Lake Michigan on a balmy 30-degree walk.

But then 2 grey days zapped my energy, and I had a 3-hour slump yesterday where I couldn’t energize myself to do anything.

Now the snow is melting, and the weather’s temperature swings are on the upward trend between 30s and 50s.

I’ll keep plugging away on the things I have set out to do, without berating myself for letting time fly by.

Living in awareness and being present is sometimes all we can do, and what is truly important will get accomplished in due time.

Ultimately it is all about perspective, and knowing we can only do what we can in the time that we have, with the resources available to us.

The things that are percolating will come to fruition, just as the plants wrapped in ice will soon be sprouting leaves again.

Life works in cycles, and we need to honor both the seasons and our own circadian rhythms, even when technology has us believing in a 24/7 alertness mode.

hibernating

Some of you will envy me for this post, because I have a luxury this month: time.

I was lucky getting stuck in vortex-land near family, so I didn’t lose money on hotels and cab fares waiting out the winter storm that stranded flights for almost a week.

verhuisd

Nor did I need to call a boss to tell them my return to work was iffy, losing salary and vacation time (although my inner boss felt like I had to get started on 2014 business-wise).

stuck

Instead we had extra family time which was lovely.

Then when I got home I was exhausted from the stress of not knowing when I would get home. So I literally hibernated.

snowing

This cold weather and the abundance of grey skies this year is throwing me for a loop. Chicago winters are quite sunny in spite of the cold, but the past few weeks the sun has seemed sparse to me.

snowbank

When I have these kind of drudg-y days I go to my neighborhood cafe for a boost in caffeine and good cheer, but the thought of bundling up has kept me inside more so that kickstarter has been lacking the past 2 weeks as well.

BrosK

It has been freeing to just listen to my body and pretend to be a bear while I can, but at the same time I feel that guilt of needing to be productive, shoulding all kinds of things, and wanting to push on.

frostywindow

The thing is, it is just me in this life and this business, and the holiday season with all its new-to-me experiences, the holiday rush in a rushed season to begin with, and all the unknowns I’ve been learning about pretty much burnt me out. When I am down, my whole business is down, from production to promotion to planning for what’s next. Calling in sick means hitting the pause button.

buried

So I am trying hard to be gentle with myself. I set smaller goals for each day rather than trying to get to a big list that exhausts me just looking at it. Just because I can’t get 5 things done in a day doesn’t mean I am not living each moment purposefully.

hurryorignalTUT

I still feel present, even when I am resting. The downtime will fuel inspiration for the coming year. We don’t begrudge trees for not producing leaves when the world is frozen.

icicles

Our modern world is able to defy nature with electricity and snow removal, when maybe human beings should take a cue from nature too at times instead of seeing storms as a nuisance. Frozen fuel lines do tell us to stop in our tracks and stay indoors.

I am clearly meant to ease into the new year slowly rather than rush into it with energy blazing.

yellow

Hopefully by February I will have my equilibrium back, and the ideas I have for 2014 will be implemented one day at a time.